Crime Expert TRUMP Teaches Entire Universe How NOT to Be Above The Law

TRUTH IN SATIRE

Criminally Insane

Ah, a life of crime, isn’t it EXCITING?

You know what the BEST criminals never do? They never taunt all law enforcement and intelligence agencies!

For example, Danny Ocean from “Oceans 11” would never call the CIA and FBI before a big heist and say — “Hi, I’m a criminal and I really want to put myself on your radar, so you’re all a bunch of Nazis, and also ninnies, now please scrutinize all that I do and have a good day!”

Trump, ON HIS FIRST DAY ON THE JOB, did exactly that. The reason for this is because he’s profoundly idiotic and destructive, and befuddled, and goofy, and incoherent. Now, those of us who live in NY already knew this. Some of us voted for him anyway because no one place is safe from self-destructive tendencies.

Trump whimsically compared the CIA, NSA, FBI and the director of national intelligence to NAZIS (despite their lack of Tiki Torches). That was Trump’s ‘hello’ to all the men and women in US intelligence whose mission is to protect us all from dying. Some of whom have placed their own lives in danger to do so. — Oh, they MUST have been thrilled!

So, besides the not openly taunting law enforcement rule, there are OTHER rules to successful criminality.

For an example of this see Hillary Clinton, the world’s greatest mastermind whose crimes have never been detected despite 127,003,014 man hours of investigation, 297 Senate hearings, and 14 colonoscopies performed on Clinton at a combined cost of probably a trillion tax-payer dollars, which did indeed inform us of some SHOCKING REVELATIONS.

I know, I was shocked and stunned by these revelations too… and yet I voted for Hillary anyway, because she didn’t go on TV and say she would kill me, Steve Rouach, personally. (That’s my most pressing issue when choosing who to vote for).

The Hamburglar is NOT a successful criminal because he wears a crime mask, a striped criminal shirt, and has a sub-standard hamburger for a head. — Just like Donald Trump! When you see the Hamburglar, you KNOW he’s going to steal your hamburger, even if it’s a McDonald’s hamburger, which as we know, is made from strange ingredients not commonly found on Earth, — JUST like Donald Trump!

Trump is LOUD when he’s committing crimes. Treason, money laundering, obstruction, halitosis, committing grand-theft-flatulence and explosive-reverse-diarrhea, perjury, destroying all rules of ethics, swiping $100 million from his own *inauguration (*called “the most widely viewed and anticipated event since: “A Concert For Change -The Philharmonic Orchestra Performs The Music Of Gary Busey!”) oh, Trump is a busy fella. And he’s LOUD.

Rule #3 is simply: IF you have a lawyer, check to see if he attended law school. Michael Cohen was Trump’s “lawyer”. This is due to Michael Cohen shrewdly having business cards made up that said the word “lawyer” on them. The “law-school” Cohen attended was actually a two-week course on “VCR Repair”. However, despite his knowledge of knowing how to commit his own crimes of tax evasion, and bank fraud, in a way that was as clever as someone eating a shoe (with raisins and tuna fish), Cohen DID know enough about the law to tape his own client, Donald Trump, in case he ever wanted to avoid prison in the future, a scheme that eventually panned-out for Cohen.

Trump then had Rudy Giuliani’s corpse reanimated with electricity and then had Zombie-Rudy Giuliani sign on as his NEW lawyer. Giuliani now spends all day at the *FOX Pretends News network (*Voted: America’s # 1 Source For Sexual Assault), literately eating peoples brains.

Rule #4: Lock me up! The 2016 Rock-N-Treason-Fest at Trump Tower (the only building in NYC that actually cries when no one is listening, and also scares gargoyles), was a VERY silly mistake. Why — even Stephen Bannon took time out of his own busy schedule of performing auto-fellatio upon himself, to explain to Trump exactly why Trump, his son, his son-in-law Kushner, and Manafort are all “idiots”.

Bannon informed Trump that the non-insane way to trade dirt on your political opponent with Russia’s GRU — (in exchange for future favors, and committing treason against your own country by helping compromise our democratic elections) — is to have a lawyer hire a lawyer and have THAT dude meet with Putin’s 2-Live-Crew in a motel in Idaho. (According to Michael Wolff’s book “An American Were-Wolff in London, Because He Was So Freaked Out By What He Saw In The White House In America”)

SO, WHAT CAN TRUMP DO?

Well, in a perfect world he can fall into a volcano that then gets hit with a meteor, and then a bird flies by and poops on it, but it’s not a perfect world we live in. I blame others for this.

So, some things Trump can do to avoid Federal Prison.

Pictured Below: The Many Moods of Russian Spy, Boris Slovlovski, Deeply Embedded as First Lady.

©2018 SWRouach

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