Is the Art of Conversation Dead?

For my amusement and inquisitive nature, I like to start random conversations with strangers. Especially when I traveled for work, I enjoy sitting at the hotel bar by myself. After attending long hours at an educational conference, I relax with my glass of merlot. I would watch the TV monitor behind the bar and randomly watch a basketball game or basically any sport that was playing on ESPN. I would inadvertently ask the bartender questions about his/her day or recommendations for a great local restaurant to try.

As more and more patrons begin to fill up the bar, my bartender pours my second glass of wine and excuses him/herself to attend to others. I look around the bar and see a group of colleagues congregating at one corner and a couple that appear to be having a deep conversation. Then, there are those who are sitting alone glancing at the drink menu and simultaneously fixated on their phones. The bar stools that were once empty are now filled with various individuals; young working professionals, college students, and seasoned executives. Guess what they had in common? Almost everyone was looking at their phones! Even a group of colleagues who appeared to be enjoying a jovial conversation, would occasionally take a sneak peak at their phones.

After scanning the group of people surrounding the bar, I casually brought up a conversation to a woman sitting right next to me. I commented on her lovely drink and asked for the name of that mysterious concoction. “Actually, I don’t know,” she responded. “I just randomly asked the bartender to make me a special drink.” I proceeded to another question asking if she was in town for the education conference. She simply replied, “no” and continued to scroll through her iPhone. A half hour later, a gentleman sat on the opposite side of me. He seemed a bit flustered, but soon settled after sipping on his beer. “Did you see that 3-pointer that LeBron just did?” I asked. He looked at me and smiled. “Yeah, that was pretty awesome.” Just like the woman on the other side of me, the man reached in his pocket and began to look at his phone.

Now, I completely understand that some people aren’t in the mood for chit-chat and want to be left alone. And there are also individuals who don’t mind small talk and rarely check their electronic devices. What I found to be sad and disheartening is that this exact scenario which I was experiencing is happening in many bars, restaurants, parties, public transportations, and even elevators. Yes, elevators. As you’re waiting in an elevator, trying to avoid any eye contact or any form of communication, you pull out your phone as a distraction while jazz music plays through the speakers. It is disappointing to see the art of basic conversation has seemingly become non-existent in today’s society. Trying to engage in “small talk” is received with awkward glances and uncomfortable silences. Simply put, I believe technology has disrupted the learning development of basic communicative and social skills.

This problem is not only reflected during outings at restaurants or bars, but also in schools and the workplace. How we engage with our supervisors, colleagues, or classmates is determined by our level of communication. How we ask for a raise/promotion from our boss, how well we conduct ourselves in interviews, how we collaborate with teammates all stem from social human discourse. Effective communication is essential in our everyday lives. It’s a large contributing factor in becoming a great leader, building relationships, negotiating deals, resolving disputes, and so forth. The art of human discourse shouldn’t be difficult or cumbersome, but somehow, we made it that way.

Sure, anyone can send a text message or an email, but it doesn’t have the same impact as an actual conversation between two people. Knowing how to interact and converse with one another is essential as human beings. It is a way to connect on a personal and professional level. It is a form of understanding and learning from one another. Of course, effective communication is a skill and not everyone is good at it. It takes time and practice especially for those who may be shy or an introvert. But if we continue to ignore social discourse and use our electronic devices as a form of alienation, then how will we ever learn? If we don’t try, then we never will.

So the next time you’re out by yourself, I challenge you to put your phone away. Strike up a conversation with someone. Maybe comment on the beautiful weather or complimenting their outfit. Do what feels natural. And if the individual is not interested, then that’s ok too. There are many people out there who would enjoy a great conversation. And who knows what wonderful things can transpire from small talk.

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